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Weird Science: Send Your Dog into Space. Seriously.

08/27/14

We’re big fans of technology here at ISAORA. Whether it’s curing diseases, or simply developing a jacket that’ll keep you warmer all winter, we believe it’s all about advancing the life and comfort of the human race, one proverbial stitch at a time. That’s why when we read about a memorial spaceflight company that can send, for no small fee, the cremated remains of your favorite pet into space we thought, Hey, that sounds a little crazy, but let’s hear these people out for a minute.

Celestis Pets is an offshoot of Celestis Inc., which started offering the service for humans back in the late ‘90s, kicking things off in ’97 with the “Founders Launch” which chucked a cargo of the unliving into space, including those of Gene Roddenberry, creator of Star Trek. Taking a “symbolic portion of created remains” (aka not the whole shebang) of your loved one and sending them through earth’s orbit (basic package) or beyond (deluxe), to make this a profitable business, Celestis has to wait until a handful of people sign up for this last and final mission to take as a group, piggybacking on the launch of a satellite into orbit. In other words, it’s less of a private plane situation and more a handful of FedEx packages hitching a ride in the cargo bay of a commercial airliner. But, hey, jet fuel is expensive and you’ll be in no place to complain or comment at that point.

So after what one might have to assume was legitimate demand, Celestis opened their strange services up to the passed-on pets of the world, with four options currently on offer. There’s an “Earth Rise” service, which launches a bit of your favorite pet into space to experience zero gravity and return to earth ($995). For a little more cash, there’s the “Earth Orbit” option, which hitches a ride on a satellite the way we previously mentioned until it releases itself from the satellite and vaporizes "like a shooting star" ($4,995). Or, if you’re really serious, you can splurge on the “Luna” or “Voyager” packages, which really go the distance, getting your beloved pup (or cat, if that’s your deal) to the moon or deep space (priced at a reasonable $12,500).

If you’re looking to understand this further, I’m afraid you’ll only delve into deeper confusion. Watching the Celestis promotional video is sort of like waking up in a movie written by Michel Gondry, where you can’t quite figure out if anyone’s being serious, or this whole thing is a farce. Unfortunately, there seems no evidence of kidding around here, and the whole ordeal sounds quite serious. We can’t really take issue with the sentiment, really. “From the stars we are born,” a woman says in the Celestis promo video, “and so to the stars we return.” And who could deprive their favorite pet of such a luxury.